to other separated parents

I wrote this a while ago

Working through all the emotions of being seperated, not only from my wife, but the children was overwhelming.

There was restricted access to my baby daughter, and no access to my step son (that grew up calling me daddy).

Add to that allegations.

Then the cost of lawyers – and my life savings going up in smoke.

The feeling of need to fight against the injustice and unfairness.

It was only through counselling and time (now 12 months separated), could I start to see through the fog. Interrelate coparenting type counselling was good, and so was my psychologist.

Seperating my feelings about the mother of my children, and the children themselves was the first step. Then the next step was focussing on the kids needs, just not my own.

Some sort of trust in the legal process against the unfounded allegations helps.

I found letting go of the negative feelings around the injustices the mother is perpetrating slowly helped. The time is lost with my daughter, fighting about it doesnt get it back. I have to look to the future, and what I can do for my daughter, and not dwell on what is lost.

I have largely worked through a grieving process with my step son, and dont expect to have any meaningful relationship with him.

Knowing my stepson will lose his relationship with me, just because my wife hates me is hard. This was the hardest part – just giving up on that. How can you just give up on someone you said was family just a few months ago.


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