Posts Tagged ‘values’

Muddling through feelings and things

Monday, November 2nd, 2009

I just bought a gift set for M (my 2 yr old daughter).

It by Tracey Moroney, it has 4 books and a CD of stories and songs. The books are ‘When I’m Feeling … ” jealous, loved, kind, Angry.

I want to get books that help M to learn about herself, and others around her. It’s easier to buy wiggles books, but they don’t teach as much. Sure the wiggles promote good eating.

But teaching about communication, and how to understand your feelings, and how to communicate them, and how to interact with others around you, now that is the stuff of life.

I went past ‘constant reader’ book shop on the way back from the bank. It’s a lovely shop, with a ‘Kids Corner’. I saw the box set of ‘winnie the pooh’ – and it brought me to tears. I dont think I had this box set, but it seemed sweet, and I could imagine M liking the box, the books, and the stories. I could imagine sitting with her and just taking out a pooh bear book to read.

I saw another ‘dad’ book, it was lovely. It was ‘I spy my dad’ or something similar. I can see a dad mowing, etc etc, and I wonder if I can spy a dad specially for me ….. that really tugged at the heart strings. I miss my daughter and step son ssssooo much ….. I wonder if they miss me ?

I saw a nice little miffy book, she looks at a tree, a beehive, and a house. I guess its developmental helping to talk about the pictures etc.

the dreaded TV

Friday, October 2nd, 2009

I can even remember my parents hating us watching TV.

The book talks about plugging into the TV, and switching off the brain. With dull eyes and a gaping mouth. The worst part is absorbing everything they see, behaviours, language, emotions. This isn’t parents passing on values, and providing a stable emotional backdrop, its TV influencing kids.

I remember E watching a lot of Beristone Bears – they were teaching real values, had good language, and had an extended family. This would seem OK.

Even ABC tv, with the likes of Sesame Street, should be fine.

I think I’ll make sure I avoid all commercial TV, cartoons, anything that doesn’t the exact right message/values/emotions/language that i want.

I’ll have more videos that do have the correct message.

Clearly books are a huge step up – I’ll role model that one.

Even computer games seem a little better, if not based no carnage, atleast there is interaction.

Social computer might be OK also. Atleast that’s focussing on the stuff of life. Obviously safety comes into it.

my family

Thursday, September 24th, 2009

There is 2 of us , me and M (my daughter, a few weeks from being 2).

It took me a while to come to that realisation, until I changed the private health cover. To a single parent family. Yep, I am a single parent. I thought that was only for young unmarried mothers, nope, its for 30 something separated greiving fathers too.

Nothing can take away M from me, not my ex, not the courts. M has a right to live with me, and I have a responsiblity to care for M.

Its likely to be the most important relationship for the rest of my life. So I am going to do a damned good job of it.

It was only recently I realised that, no matter what, I will never loose my daughter, our relationship. It’s really up to me not to fuck it up. Its not like dating someone, its not even like marrying someone – they all might go away, leave you, discard you. My my daughter is for life, she is for keeps.

I only see her for 2 x 2hrs per week. She is on my mind for a lot more than that. The legal side of things is a part of that, but only a small part. A big part is remembering the small fun things we do together, how much I love her. What we are going to do next. What things I want to teach her. How different she is to E at the same age.

My mind is always racing ahead, 5 years, 10 years. I want to learn now, make a strong foundation, make the world a safe place for my daughter.I want her to grow up emotionally secure inside. I want to be the rock for her. I want to be her best friend. I want to communicate with her, and not talk down to her. I want to give her strong foundations and values, and let her make her own decisions. I will support every decision, no matter how bad, or how much I disagree. I want to always be on her side. The communication and closeness is the most important long term goal, if I support her decisions, we have no real reason to cut each other off.

I am her father all the time, even when I am not with her. I am her father.

I love you M.