Posts Tagged ‘trust’

Trust Cycle

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

Chapter 3 talks about the trust cycle.

Its about meeting kids basic needs in their first 2 years, feeding, changing nappy, cuddling, smiling, holding etc.

When they get these things, they feel good about themselves, and the people around them. They learn they are good, the people around them are good, and the world is good. They learn to trust their carers, people and the world.

I guess my daughter is at the edge of this. I hope her mother and I did a good job of this. I really only had 9 months to help my daughter like that. But my memory of it was I was always right onto things. I changed her every morning. I got up to her every night if she cried. I talked to her, cuddled her, tickled her. I really love her.

Listening to Kids

Friday, September 25th, 2009

The next chapter (in happy children) was about active listening.

I’ll have to admit, this is somewhat new to me.

I think perhaps my counsellor (R) once touched on this. But I didn’t understand.

Its about not only listening ‘yes dear, your upset about school’. Its about really getting behind the issue, firstly understanding the emotion, and not trying to solve the issue.

This is sort of covered in ‘mens are mars’ book.

But this chapter is clear in its depiction of how easy it is to be patronising or lecturing.

It also had an awesome idea about teaching your kids to solve their own issues. That will help M mature more, than me providing the answer.

It was also bring us closer together. Active listening will have the side effect of being the ‘go-to-person’ for M. If she feels that I will understand and comfort, as opposed to solve, it more likely she will bring more tricky things to me. This is a real opportunity for me, to gain real trust with M at an early age, to better help us both through her teenage years (where I think the trust is harder to earn, more sorely needed).

I want active listening to be one of my pillars as a father.