Posts Tagged ‘Love and Logic Magic’

tried some of the love and logic magic today

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

It worked better than expected.

I gave M the choice of cups, organge or blue, and she dithered, eventually choosing blue.

I gave her a choice of chicken or sausages for lunch whilst in coles. I used the packet of chicken legs and packet of sausages. And M got upset, and choice neither. I said ‘Uh Oh, that’s sad, Daddy will choose sausages’. She complained, and sooked, and we just walked away together holding the basket.

I showed M the slightly low fruit bowl, it has 1 peach and 1 apples, and no bananas. She quickly worked out there wasn’t any bananas, and we headed of to coles.

M and I cooked the snags on the bbq, she loves to be held up, and look and talk about the snags cooking.

Funny thing though, she wouldn’t eat the snag. So I said ‘Oh oh, that’s sad, the sausage is going away’. And I put it on the bench out of site. I continued to eat mine, and she asked for it back. Cool …. I gave it back, and she ate the whole thing. Ask for a banana, played with it, and didn’t eat any. I said ‘oh oo, that’s sad, the banana is goign away’, and it went to the bench and back in no time, and she ate most of a HUGE banana.

I gave her other choices, when playing, where to stick the photo on the fridge (but I always gave her that choice).

I even remembered to comment on that she likes drawing, and there was something else (I can’t remember just now).

I also used some of the PPP quality time, 30 second stuff. When M came to me a few times, I stopped what I was doing, and attended to her instantly, she seemed happy, and went on to play.

Noticing without judging

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

This was an interesting thing (chapter 3)

Notice some of the things your child really likes, and no ‘that’s great’ on the end.

“wow, I noticed you really like to eat chicken legs.”

“I noticed you really like drawing.”

Its simple, even though I notice all these things, and perhaps I talk about them to the parents around, I don’t generally say it to M. I’ll try to start that tomorrow.

I am also going to try to start some choices tomorrow. Perhaps sausages or chicken. Or blue cup or green cup.

Trust Cycle

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

Chapter 3 talks about the trust cycle.

Its about meeting kids basic needs in their first 2 years, feeding, changing nappy, cuddling, smiling, holding etc.

When they get these things, they feel good about themselves, and the people around them. They learn they are good, the people around them are good, and the world is good. They learn to trust their carers, people and the world.

I guess my daughter is at the edge of this. I hope her mother and I did a good job of this. I really only had 9 months to help my daughter like that. But my memory of it was I was always right onto things. I changed her every morning. I got up to her every night if she cried. I talked to her, cuddled her, tickled her. I really love her.

Love and Logic Magic

Sunday, November 22nd, 2009

Just sarted reading ‘Love and Logic Magic’ by Fay and Fay.

Its it a fascinating, engaging and insightful read. The forward even says its written to be fun to read, and it really is a joy.

It focusses in on the concept of self, and trying to help develop your child’s concept of self.

We are trying to invest in M’s self. We want to make small deposits everyday for her self.

Scalding, or degrading comments, or raised voices close down your child, so they can’t learn and don’t listen, as its all about the anger. We can’t really you this approach to help M.

We want to maintain the firm limits, and reinforce them, without raised voices.

The idea is to give choices, and control over to M when we can. This builds self for M. ‘Do you want bannana or no bannana ?’, ‘do you want a hug, or no hug ?’, ‘do you want to play with your doll or read a book?’. Lot’s of choices that give control over, in situations that don’t overly effect me.

When occasionally we need control back, we make a ‘withdrawal’ from our investment and say, ‘you have had a lots of choices today, not its my turn, its time for bed.’.

The other concept is learning. Let themĀ  make the mistakes, and learn. Don’t save M all the time. If she makes small mistakes now, and can learn from them, its great at building self and wisdom.

The book says on page 20, that this image of self is mostly built before they are 6. So its NOW that is important to M that I help her, not in 5 years, its NOW, between 2 & 6. Page 20 talks about the evils of the world, and how to help protect teenagers (drugs, alcohol, sex ). It isn’t strict rules, it building up their self early on, so they can make their own good choices. I am there, I am all for building up a foundation of values and self. M needs to love herself, he health, her body, her mind. She needs to believe in the good things in life, and that she is deserving. When poor choices are presented, her good self needs to assert itself, understand there is a choice, and make the choice that best fits her self.

Its NOW that I help her to inoculate against the harsh realities and poor choices in life.

A few summary boxes from Chapter 1:

Build High Self

* empathy, understanding, and unconditional love
* allow M to struggle, and make her own decisions
* encourage M to learn to succeed through personal thinking and learning

Share the Control

* small deposits, many times a day

Empathy and consequences

* relate to M with empathy
* let M learn through consequences

Share the thinking

Four Powerful Actions

1. raise M to feel good about herself
2. develop a strong bond of love and trust
3. allow M to make plenty of mistakes and learn from them
4. give M plenty of practice thinking and solving problems.