Love and Logic Magic

Just sarted reading ‘Love and Logic Magic’ by Fay and Fay.

Its it a fascinating, engaging and insightful read. The forward even says its written to be fun to read, and it really is a joy.

It focusses in on the concept of self, and trying to help develop your child’s concept of self.

We are trying to invest in M’s self. We want to make small deposits everyday for her self.

Scalding, or degrading comments, or raised voices close down your child, so they can’t learn and don’t listen, as its all about the anger. We can’t really you this approach to help M.

We want to maintain the firm limits, and reinforce them, without raised voices.

The idea is to give choices, and control over to M when we can. This builds self for M. ‘Do you want bannana or no bannana ?’, ‘do you want a hug, or no hug ?’, ‘do you want to play with your doll or read a book?’. Lot’s of choices that give control over, in situations that don’t overly effect me.

When occasionally we need control back, we make a ‘withdrawal’ from our investment and say, ‘you have had a lots of choices today, not its my turn, its time for bed.’.

The other concept is learning. Let themĀ  make the mistakes, and learn. Don’t save M all the time. If she makes small mistakes now, and can learn from them, its great at building self and wisdom.

The book says on page 20, that this image of self is mostly built before they are 6. So its NOW that is important to M that I help her, not in 5 years, its NOW, between 2 & 6. Page 20 talks about the evils of the world, and how to help protect teenagers (drugs, alcohol, sex ). It isn’t strict rules, it building up their self early on, so they can make their own good choices. I am there, I am all for building up a foundation of values and self. M needs to love herself, he health, her body, her mind. She needs to believe in the good things in life, and that she is deserving. When poor choices are presented, her good self needs to assert itself, understand there is a choice, and make the choice that best fits her self.

Its NOW that I help her to inoculate against the harsh realities and poor choices in life.

A few summary boxes from Chapter 1:

Build High Self

* empathy, understanding, and unconditional love
* allow M to struggle, and make her own decisions
* encourage M to learn to succeed through personal thinking and learning

Share the Control

* small deposits, many times a day

Empathy and consequences

* relate to M with empathy
* let M learn through consequences

Share the thinking

Four Powerful Actions

1. raise M to feel good about herself
2. develop a strong bond of love and trust
3. allow M to make plenty of mistakes and learn from them
4. give M plenty of practice thinking and solving problems.

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